Friday, August 9, 2013

When I look at him...

When I see his tiny 7 week old face, I don't see a white face.

When I look into his serious and intense eyes, I don't see grey blue eyes.

When I touch and see his soft silky hair, I don't see blond hair.

Instead, I see the face of my son. I see the eyes of the baby who was meant to be my son, and I see the hair of a little angel who has filled our lives with the very joy we've been longing to experience for so many years.

When I see pictures of DH, him and me, I don't see a trans racial family. I just see faces filled with joy, love and utmost gratitude. (Well, DH and I look a little tired, but it's a feeling of being tired that we've waited to feel for years. And it's a tired feeling we've gladly embraced and traded in our restful sleepy nights for).

By way of introduction - DH and I are Indian immigrants, living in the bay area, California. We have just adopted our baby boy R through open adoption. He is 7 weeks old and he got placed with us at  birth. This blog is going to be about our adoption story, the amazing family that R has connected us to (his birth family), and our lives as a trans racial family.

After 12 years of heartache, shattered dreams, fading hopes, we were scared to dream or hope. We also tried telling ourselves that life was good, and we didn't *really* need a child to make us happy. More like self-deception, although we were constantly aware of the gnawing pain deep inside that our infertility journey had left for us. We signed up to adopt and boy, did we get lucky! I'll write a post about our journey to R sometime soon.

When I look at R's handsome little face, I'm struck by the reminder of how very lucky I am to have him here with me. I'm so so grateful because I know R could have easily been placed with one of the many other waiting families, and we could have been still waiting.....


  1. Oh, Nikki, your first sentence here already started me bawling. I'm just so moved and happy for you beyond words. He is the baby who was meant to be your son. I know you've connected with an amazing birth family and wish all of you so much love. As we wait for our own happy ending/beginning, I am excited to be able to read more about yours! Much, much love!

  2. You are a family, period. But a very beautiful family for sure! tons of love N and R!

  3. Thank you for sharing! Adoption journeys are all so moving. I can't wait to follow your blog...

  4. "the very joy we've been longing to experience for so many years" Love that! Love that you have started a "fresh" blog and can't wait to keep up with y'all!

  5. Beautiful, beautiful, my friend. This is how a therapist explained it to me:

    "You love your husband, yes?"
    "Of course."
    "He is your family, right?"
    "Yes, of course."
    "Well, do you share any DNA?"

    I am so honored to share in your journey as a family and I'm excited to see what the monkeys have in store in the future!